Not the Start I Wanted

Losing my grandpa the before opening day

Leading up to the start of last ski season the excitement was almost too much to be contained. There had just been a dumping of snow to add the final touches the slopes needed. I had just finished up my training days for my new resort job, a lift operator and was stoked to get to be on the mountain in skis every day. What high energy I felt quickly took a turn the day before opening day. That morning was like any other late shoulder season morning except for the phone call I received from my mom. Her dad had passed, which wasn’t a complete shock considering he was 99, but I never expect my grandparents to die even though it’s inevitable. I was away from family on the other side of the country, feeling all the emotions that come with losing someone close to you. The hardest feeling was wanting to give my mom a hug for the first time since living provinces away and not being able to. I didn’t know how long the grief was going to feel heavy or how I would be feeling this winter.

I was determined to still have a great season and not let this new grief kill my stoke. The first four days the resort was open I was working and focused on learning my new job, getting to know the team and counting down the days until I could explore the resort I had been staring at all summer. I tried not to let grief overcome me in those days but I probably did have a moment alone at a lift hut where a tear fell. One of my first days off was a weekday powder day so I met my friends in the lift line that morning. The stoke of our first powder day was there in the shadows of grief and clearly I wasn’t showing it very well since I got asked why I didn't seem excited for the day. I mentioned to my friends what was going on and they very quickly understood I was still excited just not showing it the best; this is my favourite season after all.

That morning was filled with steep deep powder laps I didn’t quite know how to ski yet and tired legs, followed by a hot chocolate break. The afternoon found itself with a fresh bag of microwave popcorn shared amongst friends on the chairlift. It was safe to say my love for skiing was still with me even in grief. The statement I remind myself of, "you can’t be sad when you’re skiing" still held true.

What I had once thought was going to be a hard winter moving through new found grief quickly became the best season filled with endless ski days, amazing friends and countless new adventures. Grief is a feeling we will all have to experience and it’s not a fun one. It can exist in you for a while and sneak up in moments you don't expect. Everyone feels it in their own ways and what helped me most is reminding myself that I still have so much to experience and I could either sit in this feeling or go out and do all the things I enjoy. Neither is easy, but one allowed me to experience a winter that is going to be hard to top.

I have included the link to my grandpa's obituary should you feel inclined to read about him.

https://www.cooperativefuneralhome.ca/memorials/george-koivu/5524712/obituary.php